All the scattered pieces

All the scattered pieces
the bits of me that broke off in your hands
crumbled away with each doubt
I had forgotten what they all were
from what part of me they fell missing
they became locked up so tight
in this house that was you and I
stuffed into cracks
like tar paper and gum
to keep the rooms from collapsing

these bits of china and mirror
cutting our fingers
reminding us they were still there
bits of my hurried soul
not quite crushed to dust
lost to years of anger
sacrificed to cement this edifice
of a self that was necessary
but not wanted

So many disperate fragments
are there enough
if I take down the house
can I build a new room
with no walls


Oct. 5th, 2009

untitled

Sat in a folding chair
Paper mask over my mouth and nose
cold and bored
Observing as he unseals the chimney breast
uses an old axe head and a bolster
to pull the plaster board away
Soot and coal dust fly
he takes possession of his new place
his hearth
his home
He's happy

It is my task to sit and watch
Why I have flown over the ocean
a necessary pressence
to be the sounding board for his ideas
to make suggestions he will scorn but
will be the catalyst
for his decisions
he will assume my approval
whether I have given it or not
is not something that will matter or register in him

To be
THERE

silent mother in the line of sight
while the toddler plays in a world of its own
carry his burdens
keep him safe
tidy when he is done

up and UP
green feilds falling away
ascending through mist, clouds and then blue sky
and with each foot another layer
thin grimy film of bitter embedded memory
peal it off and let it
flutter behind me
in the jet stream
to sink into the ocean
swallowed by white crested waves
and further up

and further away
leave the chair
the chimney breast and hearth
he has his place
and now naked of his needs
I will find mine


Oct. 21st, 2009

pyrocantha

You and I are pyrocantha
Short sweet blooming season
White tiny single roses
Lethal russet thorns
That if any try to penetrate
Or storm
Will find themselves impaled
Cut to ribbons
And bled beyond saving
Poisonous berries to all
but feasts to finches, great tits and crows
Tenacious and practically impossible to prune or cut
And the only way to be rid of it
Is to burn it beyond the ground
All the way through the roots
We are destruction and sweetness and lasting
Heady summer sent and biting winter thorns
Fleeting and immortal
Thus we love, thus we bleed
Our hearts
Twined twisted
Reward and punishment
One


Jul. 14th, 2010

uncaught

i'm flailing
i know this
this is me dropping the ball
this is me lost
this is me holding out my hand
for the promise you made
to be there

empty

i twisted my world about
to hold you
i rocked you in my arms
head on my breast
and soothed your madness
fed you
warmed you
hoped

i gave you shiny pieces of myself
and for a while you gave them back
reshaped and glowing

but now they fall through my fingers
and you pat me on the head
hoping
i will fix myself
or fade away

I chose this
I held you
I let the pieces fall
uncaught

Oct. 10th, 2010